I've been dealing with many disappointments lately, wondering if where I am is where I am supposed to be. I fell into the trap of "if I'm meant to be here, I'll succeed at everything" and the other common belief "if God is with me, I won't see a single obstacle."

I don't know why these thoughts are so engrained in me and the second things don't go the way I expect them, I'm instantly disappointed and questioning God's plan.

Who I am to question the plan of God? What do I know about anything? What will happen in 2 seconds, 2 hours, 2 years? I think I have so much worked out but really I have no plans,  I have no idea what God has in store for me.

Through my harsh realities this week, I remembered a quote that I thought I always understood but didn't fully grasp until a few days ago:

If you can't trace His hands, trust His heart

I definitely can't trace God's hand in my life right now, I don't know what path He is about to lead me on, but when I remembered that quote I also realized I don't really trust His heart. I let the thought creep into my mind that He was out to punish me. That's some love I have for Him, huh? 

Then I thought about my whole life- how I can never see what His next move is, but He has always been good to me and in the long run His plans have been better than anything I could have envisioned for myself.

I love relating to King David. He was promised the position of King, years before it actually happened. He knew he was going to overtake Saul, but he had to run for his life- literally, because Saul was always trying to kill him. I wonder how many times David questioned God's plan for him when he was being hunted. 

"Maybe I heard Him wrong" "Maybe I did something to lose His favor" 

"Maybe He chose someone else and didn't tell me"

So much doubt can fill your mind when the path you are taking to your destination isn't as easy as you anticipated, but a true test of faith (one that I just failed) is if you can tell God that you don't know what route God has planned for you- the scenic, the quickest, the all terrain, the main roads, the highways- but that regardless of the road, you know you'll end up where you need to be if you just keep following.